Schizospeak: esolang for the freaks

And so my tribulations with Linguistics continue, but this time they take the form of a Programming Language ¹.

I introduce: Schizospeak; It's an esoteric language, mostly created just to have fun and waste time as I struggled to find meaning during the winter break; It's derived from languages that want the users to have a good time writing the code, and a worse time understanding it. A few questions I'd like to answer before I dive into how the language works:

1. Why is it called Schizospeak?

Alright, I knew this was coming. It's straightforward-- schizo for schizophrenic programmers and speak for its ability to be unreadable, much like a schizo's daily audit log.

2. What's funky about Schizospeak?

OK. Schizospeak wants the world to be a beautiful place, and so it has quality-of-life features such as allowing the user to print on separate lines while writing code, disallowing useless things known as comments (why not just read the code and understand???), and even the ability to ask rhetorical questions like so:

first x is zesty
ok

what about x? perfect

first z is 10 ok

so let's also say that y is z+4 ok

now x is "bruhv"

what about x, new line,y,"hello world" nice

now loop from 1 uptil 10 stepping normally and what about i ? nice
run

now x is "hi what"
what about new line, len(x)
perfect

first stringLen is 0 ok

now loop from 0 till len(x) stepping normally
    stringLen = stringLen + 1
run

what about new line, "The answer should be true?", stringLen == len(x)
perfect

and

let foo = 9 * 5;
print(foo - 23)
const obj = {
    x: 100,
    y: "woof",
    foo,
    complex: {
        bar: true,
    },
};
let x = 1;

print("obj[y]:", obj[y])
let um = [1, 2];
print("um[1]:", um[1])

print(foo, 132)
const timeNow = time();
print(timeNow)

fn makeAdder(offset, i) {
    fn add(x, y) {
        x + y + offset
    }

    add
}

let x = -4;
const adder = makeAdder(3);
print(adder(10, 5))

if (x > 0) {
    if (x < 4) {
        print("x is less than 4 and positive")
    } else if (x == 4){
        print("x is equal to 4")
    } else {
        print("x is greater than 4")
    }
} else if (x == 0) {
    print("x is equal to 0")
} else {
    print("x is negative")
}


for (let i = 0; i < 4; i = i + 1) {
    print(i)
}

Alright. I'm pretty sure you're pretty sold on the the idea of downloading Schizospeak to try for yourself. So here's where you can access it:

1. Github: here where you can help contribute to this project and even create libraries for it (for data structures, math etc.)
2. NPMJS: here where you can download the schizospeak package and try it for yourself!

Remark: I believe that people that type quick might actually enjoy writing code in this language, for it enables them to codemaxx.

And with that, I rest my case. Adios.

Footnotes

1. It's actually common among linguists to believe syntactical languages are just better than the rest (no sources). ↩